A Study in Randomness
by Iskjif
Summary: This is a place for my random drabbles. Most of them will be silly but who knows what might sneak in... Warning! May contain slash or slashy hintings
1. Pet

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any other series or anime mentioned in this series of drabbles! If I did, they all would be a lot more demented than they are…

**A/N:** This little series of drabbles has many purposes. They are: to make up for any long intervals between updates, to help me through any writer's block I might be experiencing, and to do something with all my random little ideas that I can't use in WWtBtBBWWD. Sure there are prolly a bunch of other little subconscious reasons for this insanity, but I'm not gonna try and figure them out… Anyways… most of these are prolly gonna be really silly, but who knows, maybe a serious one will pop-up some where… I'm prolly not gonna do review responses for this one because most of the drabbles in here are gonna be pretty short… but if there are any really impressive reviews, I might just make an exception…

**Title:** Pet

**Author:** Iskjif

OoToO

Voldie sat in his throne and pouted.

He truly didn't understand why his Death Eaters were always so afraid of him.

The Dark Lord was always very nice to them. He baked them cookies, only crucioed them on special occasions, and asked them to call him Voldie, mummy, or mum. But despite his effort to make them comfortable they refused to call him anything but 'my Lord'. Really! The least they could at least call him Voldemort!

It was all very upsetting…

Well at least his Inner Circle understood. They were always very careful to show their gratitude for his kindness. And if they did fear him, at least they were good at hiding it.

Voldie's brooding was interrupted as Severus entered the throne room.

To the Dark Lord's shock trailing along behind the Death Eater was a pathetic, defeated looking boy with dark messy hair and brilliant green eyes. Voldie swallowed his disbelief and waited impatiently for an explanation, tapping his foot insistently.

Severus reached the throne and immediately started talking.

"Oh mum, can we keep him?" The man practically bounced in his excitement.

Voldie raised an eyebrow, silently asking for an explanation.

"I found him wandering around in London! I think he's been abandoned! Please mummy! Oh please can I have him?" Severus nearly squealed as he begged.

The Dark Lord resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Did Severus really have to get this way every time he found something he wanted? Last week it had been Lucius and Voldie had been hard-pressed to get the man to agree to spending the night with a hyperactive Potions Master… Voldie sighed.

"Oh alright… You have so wanted a pet-" Severus cut the Dark Lord off with his usual disturbing exuberance.

"Oh thankyouthankyouthankyou mummy!" The Potions Master stopped for a moment after glancing at the boy, "Aw… but he's so pathetic, so listless… Make him do something mummy!"

The Dark Lord sighed again. "Oh alright… _crucio_!"

They both looked at the boy's twitching body and frowned.

"Aw…" Severus whined, "Now he's only twitching… he's not screaming… that's no fun.."

The Dark Lord pouted.

OoToO

**A/N:** Well I hope you guys found that amusing… Please review! Just because I'm not doing review responses doesn't mean that I don't wanna hear from you! And really… as easily swayed as I am by good reviews, who knows what'll happen! Oh and just so you know, if anyone thinks that one of these should be expanded on, just tell me! I'll definitely think about it, and I'll see what I can do


	2. Cuteness is a Weapon

**Title:** Cuteness is a Weapon

**Author:** Iskjif

**A/N:** Okies… this particular drabble is absolute silliness and it was written mostly as a joke for my dear CSI Gray. You may think it's stupid, but go ahead and read it anyways! Who knows… you might find it amusing…

OoToO

Voldemort and a cute, shortish girl by the name of Sami the Hobbit, face-off, glaring balefully at each other.

The Dark Lord sneers.

"Really, how can expect to defeat me you foolish girl! I am the greatest Dark Lord of all time!" He crosses his arms and smirks at her condescendingly.

Sami remains completely calm and smiles sweetly.

"Like this!"

She reaches behind her back and whips-out Remus Lupin.

At first Voldemort seems completely unimpressed, but as he gazes upon Remus' blazing cuteness, his horror starts to grow.

The adorable werewolf smiles sweetly and the Dark Lord can take it no longer. He turns around and runs away much faster than many would have guessed he could.

As he sprints off into the distance he wails, "Snivell- I mean Severuuuuuus!"

Sami cackles and huggles her beloved Moony, too obsessed with the terrible cuteness to celebrate her victory beyond that.

OoToO

**A/N:** Well aren't you glad that insanity is over? Hehe, it's amazing the strange conversations I have with my Hobbit in the late hours of the morning…


	3. Are You Flirting with Me Mister?

**Title:** Are You Flirting with Me Mister?

**Author: **Iskjif

**A/N:** More randomness spawned by late night conversations…

OoToO

Voldemort stood in front of his mirror modeling his new outfit for Severus. The Dark Lord was planning a raid and he was sure that his Harry was going to be there. Knowing that, he had done the only thing he could.

He had gone shopping!

Voldemort knew that if he was to see the object of his obsession he needed to be dressed to kill. He snickered at the thought… Dressed to kill indeed…

The new robes were cut provocatively, made to show off his lovely boyish figure. He smirked slightly at himself in the mirror and held back a giggle after picturing Harry's reaction to his choice of dress. The lust and then the guilt and disgust it would bring would be priceless!

He turned around to say something witty to Severus, but the words died on his lips.

The Potions Master was much closer to him than he had realized and he started at the strange look in the man's eyes.

Severus smirked and took advantage of his Lord's apparent shock by moving closer still.

"Oh mum," the Death Eater breathed seductively, "your cloak is so revealing, you could cook an egg on it!"

Voldemort blinked in shock and then responded, obviously a little disconcerted.

"Are you flirting with me Mister?"

OoToO

**A/N:** Wow… the things I find amusing are strange indeed! Hehe… I think that's all I can post tonight… I'm about to drop dead… Hope that wasn't too torturous for you… Please remember to review! Even if you thought that was horribly stupid, I'd like to know!


	4. Father

**Title:** Father

**Author: **Iskjif

**A/N:** Thank you guys so much for your reviews! **_huggles_** I'm happy that my insanity amuses you! Anyways! I've been watching a lot of Star Wars lately and this just sort of resulted…

OoToO

The Boy Who Lived sat bound at the feet of Lord Voldemort. The Dark Lord stood in the middle of a battlefield reveling in the destruction. He turned to Harry and smirked slightly.

"Come now boy, surely you see that your resistance is unnecessary… The Light has lost. Dumbledore is dead and the rest of the world cannot hope to stand against me. Join with me, I won't make you fight or kill anyone important… I just want you by my side." Voldemort's tone took on a hint of a leer with the last part.

Harry looked up at the snake-like man in shock. Could he really mean…? The boy's defiance rose up against what the Dark Lord was implying with his tone.

"You killed my father, you bastard!"

Voldemort's smirk increased in its intensity. "No Harry." He paused for full effect, "I AM YOUR FATHER!"

"WHAT?" The boy squeaked in confused horror.

The Dark Lord snickered and then grinned brightly. "Hehe, Sorry. I was so channeling Star Wars there for a moment…"

Harry sputtered and failed to say anything. He blinked and then gaped dumbly up at Voldemort. He could hardly comprehend what the Dark Lord had said. Had he just reference a _muggle_ movie? The boy was _extremely_ confused.

Voldemort snickered at the look on his face.

"What? I'm not allowed to see movies?" he said innocently.

"You're sick!" Harry snarled, "How can you joke like that in the middle of a battlefield!"

The Dark Lord sighed. "I wish you wouldn't be so difficult… I was hoping to have you willing…"

The boy glared defiantly, causing Voldemort to smile slightly.

"Oh well, I guess I'll just have to make due…" He half singed the last, his tone bright.

Harry's defiance was dimmed with growing anxiety.

The Dark Lord grinned sadistically, "It'll be more fun this way anyways."

OoToO

**A/N:** **_cackles_** That was fun! Anyways! Hope you guys liked it. Oh and I got a request to expand on the first chappie so I'll keep that in mind… If I do anything with it, it prolly won't be for a while; it'll take second place to WWtBtBBWWD… That ficcie is my baby!


	5. Why Gryffindors should never drink

**Title:** Why Gryffindors should never drink

**Author:** Iskjif

**A/N: **Allo my dears! Sorry I haven't been able to update in a while, I've been disgustingly busy. I've been trying to get into summer school so that I could graduate on time, but the Bureaucrats won't let me! I guess that supposedly summer school wasn't designed for people that miss entire semesters due to illness, it was designed for people who ditch or fail a class… Watch me be annoyed! but yeah! Enough about my life! On to the randomness!

OoToO

Salazar sighed as he shifted under the weight of a thoroughly inebriated Godric Gryffindor.

Earlier they had planned on spending the evening with Helga and Rowena, but when Helga had suggested they go out for a drink, looking at Rowena with a decidedly lustful gleam in her eyes…

Well the two lovers had quickly followed her advice.

Godric chose to lurch forward as this point, interrupting Salazar's musing and setting him off balance. Said parselmouth stumbled and dropped the man he had been supporting. He idly wondered if witnessing Rowena and Helga go at it would have been easier on his nerves than dealing with a drunk Godric.

The man who now found himself on the ground merely mumbled into the dirt and made no move to push himself up. Salazar crouched, a bit concerned that Godric may have gotten hurt. He sighed as Godric, apparently sensing Salazar's gaze through his drunken haze, flopped over.

The drunk Gryffindor smiled suggestively up at his lover and slurred, "'ey you two are sorta purty… maibe we could 'ave a go sometime…"

Salazar rolled his eyes. Godric was even more sloshed than he had thought. He hoisted the man off the ground, snorting as the motion pulled a 'wee!' out of the drunk.

He started heading down the street and towards the castle once again, but his lover's constant lurching and stumbling added an uncertain quality to his steps. Just when Salazar was starting to feel a little more optimistic about reaching the castle without further incident, Godric lost his footing and knocked them both into a witch. The three of them fell to the ground in a tangle of limbs.

Salazar quickly untangled himself and helped the woman up. He was about to apologize when he was interrupted by Godric's happy exclamation.

"Solena! Itsh sooo good ta see ya!" the witch looked a little amused as he continued to babble, "Thish is me good frienda Sal Sleeytherin and his twin brother Salad-bar!"

Salazar covered his face with a hand. He just knew that word of his 'twin brother Salad-bar' would get back to Helga and Rowena.

He'd never live this down…

OoToO

**A/N:** okay! So hopefully that ended up amusing you! So what sort of things do you guys wanna see on here? Tell me and I'll see what I can do!


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